Monday, August 10, 2009

Ask the Shark!


Welcome to the first installment of our "Ask the Shark" feature! If you have any questions for which you need answers, I'll be happy to answer it! And if I can't, I'll just make something up! Win Win!

This new feature will be posted approximately whenever I feel like it!

(h/t to the best human friend a shark could ask for, SnoutPalm, for the killer logos. Get it? I said 'Killer'...)

35 comments:

  1. Okay, I'll start.

    Do you know any good jokes? ("You think you're scared, I've got to swim back alone!")

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  2. So, this shark and a little boy are swimming in the ocean, when the boy notices it is getting dark out. He looks at the shark and says, "Mr. Shark, it's getting dark and I'm scared..."

    The shark replies, "You think you're scared, I gotta swim back alone!"

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  3. Okay, another thing I'm curious about: What is the origin of the phrase "jump the shark"? Does it have anything to do with actual sharks?

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  4. Well, other than the obvious insinuations involving Mrs. Shark and I, there is actually a different origin behind the term.

    See, back in 1977 I was approached by a television producer.

    With my roguish good looks, mouth full of razor sharp teeth, and a few years experience working as a Fin Model, I finally got my big break - a role on the TV show 'Happy Days'.

    In that episode, The Fonz was supposed to jump over a confined shark (me) on water skis. Cool idea, but really absurd. To make it worse, I was buying into the whole "Hollywood" thing, and was pretty hungover during filming, so I was quite docile.

    This was pretty much the death knell for the show, and a new phrase was born - Jumping The Shark.

    To explain it in modern terms, I'll give you an example. Let's say there is a really popular blog online. For years it is very definition of logic, intelligence, and such. At some point, the blog veers off into absurdity in an effort to draw in more and more posters. In the process of undergoing these changes, it begins to lose it's original appeal. One could say that the blog "Jumped the Shark".

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  5. I liked the Happy Days/Fonzie version better. The other version sounds so sad ...what happened to all the faithful followers of the blog once it "jumped the shark'?

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  6. Shaaaark:

    Why do hurricanes boil in the Gulf of Mexico before pouncing on those poor southern states?

    Have you ever seen a falling star?

    Why is the water blue in some places and green in others?

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  7. Do sharks have to worry about candiru fish?

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  8. what happened to all the faithful followers of the blog once it "jumped the shark'?

    Some were devoured in a "feeding frenzy", and others just slipped beneath the water unnoticed...

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  9. Why do hurricanes boil in the Gulf of Mexico before pouncing on those poor southern states?

    I think some southerners went all "Ned Beatty" on some poor hurricane a couple hundred years ago, and hurricanes have been getting revenge ever since - or, it has to do with climate, geography, and weather patterns... (does anyone else hear banjo music?)

    Have you ever seen a falling star?

    No. I smelled one once though.

    Why is the water blue in some places and green in others?

    Some water has algae in it, thereby making it appear green.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. Oh, and do you have open registration?

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  12. 1. Just as all pop songs are filled with drug references (case in point: All Out of 'Love'), all criticism of Barack Obama is 'racist'. Why is that?

    It's kind of like how things are here under the sea - us Great White Sharks are derided, shunned, outcast, denigrated, and treated like lepers. But say anything bad about one of those Blacktip Reef Sharks, and watch the fit hit the shan. And dont' even get me started on that whole "Endangered Species" bullspit.

    Bottom line? All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

    2. What, exactly, is a 'buzzsawmonkey'?

    I would assume it is something based off of a 1914 classic "Don't Monkey with the Buzz Saw", which I remember seeing in Black and White on some late night channel.

    3. Where's the Raw Meat?

    I eated it.

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  13. Oh, and do you have open registration?

    Of course. I welcome all viewpoints, those that agree with me, and those that don't.

    I reserve the right, however, to change my views at any time, and start banning people who disagree with me. But, that is still a few years away.

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  14. Okay, one more.

    I've noticed you are pretty funny. Are you a stand up shark?

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  15. I've noticed that human males are generally motivated by one of three things: Money, Sex, or Ideology.

    Are sharks the same way?

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  16. I've noticed that human males are generally motivated by one of three things: Money, Sex, or Ideology.

    Are sharks the same way?


    Well, we have three basic instincts - Eating, Reproducing, and Revenge.

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  17. When I checkout out your "What I'm Up To Today" section, I noticed your map has no specified location for eating and swimming. Do you think this is fair? Wouldn't a fair-minded shark give a bit more of a heads up than this?

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  18. "Well, we have three basic instincts - Eating, Reproducing, and Revenge."

    I see. More like the female of the human species then.

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  19. I've noticed you are pretty funny. Are you a stand up shark?

    I'm quite the cut-up, actually.


    (I mean, duh, check out these teeth)

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  20. When I checkout out your "What I'm Up To Today" section, I noticed your map has no specified location for eating and swimming. Do you think this is fair? Wouldn't a fair-minded shark give a bit more of a heads up than this?

    When a hunter goes out to get himself a deer, does he tell the deer where he plans on hunting?

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  21. see. More like the female of the human species then.

    Yes, but less vindictive.


    Unless it's a member of the Brody family, well, then, there's no punishment too good for them.

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  22. Yes, but less vindictive.

    Females can be incredibly vindictive, especially when they swim close to the inside of the reef. It's all about protection, no? Their turf, their (floating) rules.

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  23. Females can be incredibly vindictive, especially when they swim close to the inside of the reef. It's all about protection, no? Their turf, their (floating) rules.


    True. Very true. So, really, we sharks are best described as a combination of the best and worst qualities of both human genders.

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  24. True. Very true. So, really, we sharks are best described as a combination of the best and worst qualities of both human genders.

    There's a lawyer joke in there somewhere.

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  25. There's a lawyer joke in there somewhere.

    Only if you want to hurt my feelings. We sharks would make crappy lawyers - We're too nice.

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  26. I wouldn't dream of hurting your feelings, Shaaaaark!

    (You have feelings?)

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  27. (You have feelings?)

    Sharks are people, too.

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  28. Actually, no they're not. They're sharks.

    Unless I'm missing something.

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  29. Actually, no they're not. They're sharks.

    Unless I'm missing something.


    I'ma Sea Kitten. Just, well, a little bigger than a kitten.

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  30. "A lot of people don't realize that fish are capable of feeling fear and pain, that they develop relationships with each other, and even show affection by gently rubbing against one another," says Ashley Byrne, PETA's sea kitten campaign co-ordinator.

    That sounds fun.

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  31. Maybe I'm more of a "Sea Tiger".

    Rowr.

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  32. rubbing against one another

    About a week ago, I had to look up a word in the Urban Dictionary, and that was the definition.

    Anyway...

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  33. About a week ago, I had to look up a word in the Urban Dictionary, and that was the definition.

    It wasn't 'Shark Sack' was it?

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  34. It wasn't 'Shark Sack' was it?

    No, but you can get any definition on a mug now, so if that one means something to you, you can read it every day with your morning coffee.

    If sharks even drink coffee, that is.

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  35. The only way I get to drink coffee is this: I have to stalk a fishing boat early in the morning and wait for a crew member to come out on deck, and lean against the rail to have a cup of joe and a smoke... If you know what I mean and I think you do.

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